How I Say No

Learning to say no is important. It might be an invitation to a party you don’t want to go to because you really want to finish a good book that night. It can be a unreliable friend asking you to lend them money one more time, because this time they’ll definitely pay you back…Or it can be a situation where things are getting out of hand and someone is acting aggressively towards you in a way that’s not welcome.

All of these boundaries protect you, your time, your body, your mental health, and more. All of these boundaries are important. Especially for women. But, really for everyone.

Now some of the sisters have a harder time saying no than others. I don’t have a very hard time. It’s rare that I feel so much pressure that I don’t say no.

And I’m also not perfect either (obviously). My delivery in the past has been poor when I’ve said no. And I’ve been approached in a parking lot by a man who made unwanted physical advances only to freeze up. I never said no then either. But still, I remind myself that there is always a next time to practice saying no.

And I have a little secret to help you say no too that’s helped me along the way…and it’s not just “confidence”.

When I need to say no, I think of my sisters. So if you don’t have a sibling…Think of someone you love. A parent. A best friend. Someone you genuinely care about. And I simply ask myself, what would I have wanted them to say if they were in this situation?

Would I want my sister to just go out somewhere they don’t want to go just because they don’t want to say no or let someone else down? Would I want my sister to lend money to a friend they know won’t pay them back? Would I want my sister to not want speak up if they’ve changed their mind once a sexual situation escalates in a way they’re not comfortable with?

No. I’d want them to say no.

And it’s because I care about them. And sometimes it’s easy to look past ourselves, but it’s important to care about ourselves too.

I say no because I love myself. I say no because that’s what my sisters would have wanted me to do.

The next time you want to say no, think of someone you love: You.

Until next time,

Jade