How to get over a break up in 17 days

Dear Sisters, 

You have fallen for what they call a “Clickbait” title. I will be the first to tell you that it was impossible in every way for me to get over any of my break ups in 17 days. In fact, it has taken me years to get over a break up and even begin to think about dating again. So, indeed, this is a misleading title because I’m not going to tell you how to get over a break up. Though I’ve been through many, I still don’t know how.

I recall one break up, I was grocery shopping. An employee stocking shelves asked if she could help me find anything because I looked lost, and I replied with, “Do you have chocolate that will heal the pain of a broken heart?” I said this dead serious. I waited for her reply, hanging on every second of silence between us. Funny enough, she didn’t hesitate and chose a very specific chocolate bar to place in my hand. To this day, that specific chocolate now is a go-to for me when I’m feeling down.

Okay. So I don’t have a 17 day cure, and the chocolate only held me over for about 15 minutes before the sadness came back. So why am I here writing this? I’m no expert. I mean… I know there are definitely things you need to pay attention to more so when you are heartbroken. These things require you to have to put extra effort in them and plan them with intention when you may feel numb or in my case, like your world is losing color. These areas include: 

1. Exercise

2. Sleep (but not too much either)

3. Nutrition

4. Tidiness

And I also know there are activities you should make an effort to attempt in this time as well. These things are definitely things you should try even if you don’t feel like trying any of them. (And I’m one of those people who doesn’t think you need to do something that scares you once a day. I think it’s okay not to do scary things.) But in this case, this is an exception. And even if some of these things are things you don’t want to do, I still gently encourage them. These things include: 

1. Dwelling in your gloom. For a short time, this is appropriate. Cry in the shower, the car, impromptu at a yoga class while in down dog. Play sad music. Watch the film where the dog dies after rescuing the child. Add an extra layer of eyeliner to your look or wear the old T-shirt that brings back all of the memories. Feel your heartbreak.

2. Changing your look. (For me, this usually involves a haircut or hair color.) Although my hair is falling out, it’s still fun to go for it.

   

3. Taking yourself out on a date. Not to the movies, but to something that makes you envy your solo night out. For instance, I took myself out to a broadway and then ate a three course meal, complete with a mocktail just to feel extra fancy. I call it masterdating—a term I’ve definitely stolen from somewhere I can’t remember.

   

4. Do something different. (Notice I didn’t say scary.) It could be something scary, but it doesn’t have to be. When my mom and dad split up, after much sadness, my mom signed up for swimming lessons. This woman, in her fifties, deciding…Today I learn how to swim. I’ve never been more inspired. What new thing will you decide to learn today?

   

   Yoga with my sister Meg. I was not into yoga at this time, but this was maybe 2-3 weeks post breakup, so I went for it!

5. Find a healthy outlet. For me this is writing. For you this might be talk therapy or drawing or running or volunteering or organizing or welding… Whatever it is, I hope it brings you joy and that you feel lighter afterwards—despite the hurt that you’re still feeling from a broken heart, of course.

But back to what I was saying, I’m not the expert in this field as far as advice goes. However, what I’d still like to cover around this topic is… I’m here for you, and I know it’s hard. I know it sucks. I know it hurts. And I understand. You most definitely feel alone right now. And depending on the nature of the heart break (no heart break is easy) you will feel a lot of other emotions. But you’re not alone.

I’m with you in this. I’m your sister. I am TEAM YOU! Brad or Jessica or whoever broke up with you is DEAD TO ME. We hate them! Unless it was cordial and you’re still on good terms. Then, they’re fine, I guess, but their loss.

You’re hurting. You’re not alone. I don’t know if you’ll feel better in one week or one month or one year. You might go a little crazy in the process. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

But you took a chance on love, and if that’s not the most noble thing to make yourself vulnerable for… I sure as hell don’t know what is. Don’t give up on you. Don’t give up on love. I truly, deeply believe, love is always enough. Just like you are.

Until next time,

Jade