Long distance relationships
Dear Sisters,
Have you found yourself falling in love with someone miles away from you? I have definitely been in that boat a few times, and it’s not easy. But it is certainly worth it for the right person! There are millions of people in this world, why limit yourself to dating people just in your town? Especially if you’re extremely picky (me, cough cough) then I can see why you would be open to long distance. It can be lonely and painful at times, but it’s very possible to get through it and make it to the end goal; which is ultimately breaking the distance. I’ve had five long distance relationships in my life, including my last relationship that started off that way.
There’s lots of things to think about when entering a long distance relationship.
First, even if it’s early on, I ask myself and consider: is there ANY possibility of me or my partner relocating and eventually ending the distance? If not, then I would simply not begin the relationship. I don’t think that there is any point in beginning an LDR if both parties want to stay put indefinitely. Someone has to be willing to move one day; otherwise, you’re wasting each other’s time. I was very honest with my last partner, telling him I just moved to a city that I love and that I have a strong desire to stay. Luckily, he wanted to move to the state I was living in eventually so it had worked out perfectly, and we agreed to start dating!
Communication
Texting, Spotify playlists, and Facetime will become your best friend. If you are a busy person, I would set aside time one day a week where you have a virtual date night with your partner. You could talk on Facetime, watch a movie together, or even both get sushi take out and have a virtual dinner date! Good morning and good night texts are vital to maintaining closeness within a relationship. Text your partner updates about your day whenever you can. I personally LOVED my video game date nights a day or two a week when my previous partner and I would play online games on our Nintendo switches together. It was something I truly looked forward to after a long day of work.
If you want to do something extra special for your partner, I highly recommend writing “Open when” letters! It will certainly make your partner swoon and help ease their loneliness and the pain of missing you. You simply buy some envelopes and write some letters for them to open during certain times a prompt fits. Here are some prompt ideas and what you can do for them:
Open when you miss me. Include a few polaroid selfies.
Open when you need a laugh. Write down a list of your BEST dad jokes.
Open when you are sick. Have some Throat Coat tea packs in there and a get well card.
Open when you are thinking about our future. Provide a list of bucket list items that you want to check off with your partner one day.
Open when you need a confidence boost. Write down a list of your favorite qualities they have and compliments to your partner.
Open when you’re feeling insecure. Write a letter reassuring your feelings for your partner, and what the relationship means to you.
Open when you accomplished something. Congratulate your partner for their hard work and explain how proud you are of them.
Open when you need a hand to hold. Trace an outline of your hand on a piece of paper and decorate it with cute stickers or doodles of things that are inside jokes between you and your partner to make it more personal.
Open when it’s your birthday. Include a gift card to their favorite store and some confetti and a birthday card.
Open when we’re in a fight. Tell them it’s just a rough patch and you are determined to get through this, and become even stronger as a couple.
Dealing with all the feels
It’s very normal to feel lonely and have some sad moments or even days in a long distance relationship. Especially when you’re going about your day, and constantly see happy couples walking around hand in hand. It’s easy to get in your head, and think, “Why can’t I be with my partner right now too?” Just remind yourself during those moments that the distance is not forever. There will be a day when you will be able to be with your partner, and all of this pain will be worth it.
I remember how much I would cry whenever it was time to separate from my past partners. It was the most gut wrenching feeling. I would sit and Google how to not miss someone as they were driving away from me, wiping tears and snot off of my face. But then I realized, it’s just not possible. You miss them because you love them. It hurts so much because you love them. And that is something that kept me strong, was knowing that the pain is there because of love and how lucky are we to have someone that important in our lives?
Something that helped a lot for me was to keep myself distracted right after they left, such as watching my favorite feel good TV show, going on a walk and listening to upbeat music, or calling a friend/family member. If your partner is able to talk to you on the phone that’s great too. Sometimes if the service wasn’t spotty, my partners would talk to me on the phone for a bit as they were driving back home so I wouldn’t feel the impact of them leaving as much.
Planning visits
I’m sure you will want to see your partner as often as you can. Having a date set to meet up and spend some valuable time together is something to help keep spirits up. Try to think ahead of what months would work best for you to see your lover, and make sure to request time off of work in advance as well. A fun thing to do is for both of you to meet up in a new city, instead of just visiting each other each time. You can have a list of a few places you’re both interested in exploring and meet there together. That is going to be more expensive because you’ll have to pay for dining and hotels, but it can be a way to switch things up and add some more excitement. Otherwise, visiting each other’s cities each time is great too. You can hopefully build a relationship with each other’s friends and families as well.
Breaking the distance
So, are you months away from breaking the distance? Here are some questions you will want to communicate with your partner before the big move. There is going to be lots of planning in order to make things go as smoothly as possible.
Who is going to move?
Are we going to live separately in the same city, or get a new apartment/home together?
In what ways can the person support the person who is relocating?
If a break up was to occur, how are we going to handle the lease if we do decide to live together?
What responsibilities are we going to share as a couple?
What is our daily life going to look like together?
How does your family feel about the situation?
What are your expectations for the future?
Once you’ve communicated and agreed on all of these topics, it’s time to prepare and rejoice! Long distance is an absolute pain in the ass, but you did it! You conquered it, and now you get to be with the love of your life. There is no better feeling than the moment you and your partner have no miles, feet, or inches away from each other. Now, it is time for your life together to begin and the pain of being apart will just be a thing of the past.
Peace,
Nikki
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I did long distance (international!) with a boyfriend once. I was SO infatuated. I sent care packages. I called. I wrote stories about my day to make it more entertaining. When it ended (while we were still apart) it wasn't until then that I realized he hadn't done anything. I never received any of the things he promised were just waiting for him to get sent out. He never called, only sometimes answered. Never made an effort, but I couldn't see it then.
That's why it was so important for my next relationship that the person I chose was a man of his word who would walk the walk and not just talk the talk.
Took me back. Anyway - I LOVE the open when idea and might do this even though I'm not in a LDR ha! Thanks Nik!
These are some great tips! The "Open when" letters is an especially good idea. My wife and I started out long-distance for about 5 years before we were able to live together. It was difficult, but constant communication and flying out to see each other as often as we could made it bearable. I'm frequently asked how we did it, and I only have 2 pieces of advice, which are: 1-put your shared goals first and yourself second, and 2-DON'T CHEAT ON EACH OTHER. If you do those things (and were compatible in the first place) it certainly increases your chances of making it.